i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
false alarm. still invincible.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
