My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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