My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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