Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Randomize
