After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize