I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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