you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
