I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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