It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
