ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
