I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
