i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
