He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"