my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?