you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house