i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
