When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
