i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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