I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
