Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love you.
Bad choice
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