I'm jealous of your bromance
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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