I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
