i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
