I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
