Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
