he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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