can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
