I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
and you fell through a lawn chair
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
