Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
