I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
