Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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