If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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