its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
