Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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