You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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