addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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