I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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