dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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