Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
