He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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