It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
