but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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