Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
