i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
