Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
