at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
