hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
