I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
