Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize