So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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