omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Randomize
