I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can feel your judgement through the phone
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
