beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
