I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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