so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
