what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drake has all the answers
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
