I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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