Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This house was built for laser tag.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
