'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
