I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
