Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
