I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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