he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
