I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
