Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
