Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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