I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
